Barbie’s Plane

Barbie’s Plane

 

Something unusual, an everyday item. I use it as a keychain…It’s Barbie’s plane, a technological wonder, a marvel of the world aviation… It wasn’t authorized because it’s blue sky! So, you can’t see it! Otherwise when I say a marvel of the world aviation, I’m serious!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this plane that seems unpretentious presents a major innovation and, to me, a revolutionary innovation. Attention, please: retractable (collapsible) wings! An enormous technological innovation, isn’t it? On the one hand, its manoeuvring is simplified for parallel parking! But it’s also a saving of place in car parks. And then, especially in flight, well, in flight from the point of view of security, it’s great! ‘Captain, bird on your right!’ ‘My god, microlilight on your left!’ All obstacles are avoided. What are they waiting for at Air France? Frankly, it’s not difficult to add a little pivot with 2 nuts… That’s not going to make them not working properly, not to mention the fact that accelerations in flight are possible. In any case, on the whole, as far as I’m concerned, I’d have more confidence in a plane that can do that (moves arms), that’s how they fly, so far as I know…It’s by doing this, isn’t it? It’s an extraordinary innovation that enables us to eliminate the group ‘Ozone’. Of course you must have seen the video clip, otherwise you won’t understand why we’re laughing and then you’re going to be irritated (on edge).

Well, Ozone is a group of 3 Romanians that used to sing on an airplane wing (singing) nouami…shut up!
Hello? Those Romanians are incredible! Well, in fact, obviously, it’s for a laugh (a joke) but I haven’t brought the plane for that reason; on the contrary, it’s for something serious. In fact, it’s just an excuse in order to denounce injustice. Because I think it’s the artist’s role to denounce injustice and I’m one of them, yes, I denounce, I’m not afraid of the FBI! Denunciation: Barbie, big liar! Why? How many places are there in Barbie’plane? At first sight, 4 or 8? No! There are 2 rows! We’d like to believe that. No, Barbie big liar! 3 seats! We’re expecting to find some people, a good vibe and we only have 3 crappy seats!

Really, I haven’t talked for a moment. We understand quickly: Barbie, Ken, the pilot. The pilot has got very long arms. But he does what he wants, it’s Barbie’s friend, we can’t control everything. On the other hand, it’s very well-equipped, comfortable. Everything! There are vending machines with coke, yes! Wherever Americans are, there are ice cubes! There are drawers, do you want a drawer? Here you are! There is a microwave but there is no window/ glass. That’s why they’re all a little … yeah … yeah ‘Yeah, we’re going to vote for Bush again’, … a little stupid…

What’s that? Oh! These are magazines in case Ken feels like doing pooh (reads) but there is no toilet…
There is a drink trolley, you’ve got the same, to pass between rows but it doesn’t work, though it’s supposed to bring Barbie’s Royal Kir, because that lazy girl doesn’t want to get up from her seat. Something else: the luggage compartments with Barbie’s baggage (I can imitate the escalator very well) Barbie’s baggage is always pink. It’s not to be confounded with GI Jo’s luggage! At the airport it’s faster: all that’s khaki is for GI Jo (so long, my friend…) All that’s pink belongs to that stupid girl Barbie. You gain a lot of time at the airport!

Or else, the inside fittings/ arrangement are /is stylish and I’d say, easy to modulate! So everything is possible! For example: Barbie, Ken and the pilot are over there, they’re flying. Ken says: ‘Barbie?’ Then she says ‘What?’ Because she’s … 51,52,53… counting the clouds… He says to her:‘Wouldn’t you like to cuddle me?’ But he could all the same say ‘We’d better speak!’ Then Barbie would say: ‘I’m sulking’ Then Ken could say: ‘This flight’s too long, I’m bored!' ‘Why don’t you lay the pilot?’ But that’s disgusting! STOP! It’s horrible, vulgar! Clever, the pilot can discuss with the passengers in flight.

Oh yes, a small manufacturing defect, there is no windscreen! It’s boring with the air, the wind, all that! But Ken has got hair gel. Then, otherwise there is the plane mike, it’s working: ‘Here’s your captain, fasten your seat belts, stupid bastards’. It’s the stupid plane microphone… proportioned…well done… That’s crazy! Oh no, Perhaps it’s big on purpose… Yes, when the plane is flying in the air… ‘This is the airport, come back because we lack cable. You’re flying too high, the cable is tightened like a string. Go down, it’s going to break!’ That’s the reason why! It’s also to allow the Ozone singer to go on singing when he’s on the ground. You see, they’ve planned everything! A very good device, too. If Barbie is hot and wants some fresh air, oops, there she goes on the terrace of the plane, but after she dies! Bye bye! But it’s not very important.

What’s important is to remember the main information of the day: the retractable wings which enable us to recycle the toy when kids are fed up with it; mostly for that reason … Oops-a daisy … a Mexican bus … You need singing, otherwise children won’t believe it. It’s endless, of course, a very adaptable toy. Yeah, oops a fly … Cyrano …pfff … When I get to imitate Cyrano, it’s because I’ve exhausted all the resources of the machine …
I’d better stop now.
I’m asking you now to wave goodbye to / take leave of this technological marvel: It was Barbie’s plane!

Free translation of Florence Foresti's "L'avion de Barbie"